


As if I Were Back There

by owenharpersgirl



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Father-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-01-26 17:12:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1696064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owenharpersgirl/pseuds/owenharpersgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After fighting the newborns, Alice notices Jasper has been acting strangely and asks Carlisle to help. Takes place during Eclipse shortly after the Cullens fight the newborn army and Victoria.</p><p>Takes place during Eclipse</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. As If I Were Back There

Carlisle sat at his desk filling out paperwork. It was a boring task, but given recent events it was a welcome change. After fighting the newborn army and defeating Victoria, a little boring paperwork was nice. He was just starting on the next form when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” he said, already knowing who it was. Alice opened the door and walked inside, lacking her usual bounce.

“What can I do for you Alice?” Carlisle asked pleasantly.

“I need your help,” she said seriously, “Or rather, Jasper does. I’m really worried about him daddy.”

“Why? What’s wrong with him?” Carlisle asked in concern.

“I’m not totally sure,” Alice admitted, “He won’t talk to me, but he’s been acting different ever since we fought the newborns. I think it might have brought back a lot of bad memories for him. Plus, he says he’s fine, but I know one of the newborns bit him and he keeps rubbing his arm so I think he may actually be hurt.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to him,” Carlisle said.

“Thank you daddy!” Alice exclaimed, running behind his desk to hug him.

“You’re welcome,” he laughed, “Would you mind if you and the others went hunting for a bit so I can talk to him in private?”

“Sure,” she said happily, “See you later!” Carlisle waited until he heard his wife and three of his children leave. Since Edward was at Bella’s house, Carlisle knew he and Jasper were alone. He walked down the hall and knocked on the door of Jasper and Alice’s room. There was no sound from inside the room so Carlisle just walked in. Jasper was sitting in a chair at his desk. He didn’t even seem to notice that he was no longer alone.

“Jasper?” Carlisle said quietly. Jasper whipped his head around in shock, as if he hadn’t even heard Carlisle enter the room.

“Carlisle,” he said, standing up, “What can I do for you?”

“Have a seat son,” Carlisle said and Jasper did so immediately, “How are you?” Carlisle sat on the edge of the bed opposite his newest son, knowing that Jasper wasn’t overly comfortable with physical contact from anyone other than Alice.

“I’m fine,” Jasper replied immediately.

“Jasper,” Carlisle said exasperated, “Come on son, I can see something is bothering you; everyone can. Alice said your arm was hurt.”

“I’m fine Carlisle, really,” Jasper insisted, though his voice was weak.

“Can I see?” Carlisle asked, stretched his hand out, “Just for my satisfaction?” Jasper looked reluctant, but he held his arm out slowly and Carlisle took it gently. He rolled up Jasper’s sleeve and looked at the bite on his son’s arm. Jasper drew in a sharp breath as Carlisle gently probed the wound.

"Sorry,” Carlisle said, glancing up at him before going back to examining the bite.

“So aside from this, how are you?” Carlisle asked, “And I want you to be honest with me.”

“I–” Jasper faltered, “I’m not so good.” Carlisle looked up, shocked but thankful for the honesty.

“It’s just… fighting those newborns was something I never wanted to do again. I never wanted any of you to see me like that. I never wanted to go back to that life, and now it’s like I have,” Jasper said quietly.

“You haven’t –” Carlisle started, but Jasper cut him off.

“I have!” he said loudly, wrenching his arm from Carlisle’s grasp and moving to the other side of the room. “I can see it all Carlisle. I had spent so much time repressing these memories and now they’re all back. I can hear the screams and feel the fear as if I were back there.” Jasper dropped to his knees, his face looking anguished. Carlisle was next to him in half a second, hands on his shoulders.

“Jasper, Jasper look at me,” Carlisle said and Jasper turned to look at him, “I know you’re hurting right now, and there’s nothing I can do, but I am here for you. We all are.” Jasper choked out dry sobs and fell forward into Carlisle’s arms.

“D-Dad,” he choked, “Dad, I don’t know what to do.” Carlisle wrapped his arms tightly around his son, knowing if he was calling him dad then he really was hurting.

“Shhh. It’s gonna be okay son,” Carlisle said, “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I – I think I need to explain to everyone else,” he said after a while.

“Okay,” Carlisle nodded, “I’ll call them all back here.”


	2. Apologies and Promises

When the rest of the family returned, Jasper and Carlisle were sitting on the couch in the main room. Alice immediately went to Jasper's side and sat down while the others looked at Carlisle questioningly, wondering what they should do.

"How are you doing Jazz?" Alice asked quietly. He didn't say anything in reply, but when he looked at her Alice could see the pain in eyes.

"It's okay," she whispered, resting her hand on his cheek.

"Why don't you all sit down?" Carlisle said to the rest of the family, "Jasper wants to talk to everyone." The others all sat and waited quietly for Jasper to speak.

"Go ahead son," Carlisle said gently.

"I-I want to apologize-" Jasper stammered.

"Wha-" Emmett started, but Carlisle held up a hand to silence him.

"Let him speak," Carlisle said, "He needs to get this out." Emmett nodded and looked back at his brother.

"I want to apologize for what I did," Jasper started again, "I know that fighting the newborns was necessary, but I never wanted any of you to see me like that. I never wanted to return to that and I know you must all see me different now and I hope you can forgive me and allow me to stay here..." He wasn't looking at any of them, so he couldn't see the shocked looks on their faces. He was staring down at his hands which were enclosed in his lap.

No one seemed to know what to say and Jasper had started trembling, thinking their silence meant they wanted him gone. Alice reached over and twined her fingers with his, trying to steady them. He continued to stare down at them and didn't notice when Esme stood up. She crouched in front of him and he glanced up at her with pained eyes.

"You're right," she said, "We do see you different now." Jasper's face crumpled and he looked back down, but Esme reached forward and brought his face back up to look at her. "Now we see just what you had to go through. You've told us stories of what your life was like Jasper, but none of us ever could've truly known. And now we do; and now we see how brave and strong you really are." If Jasper could have cried he would have.

"I can feel them," he said shakily, "I can feel all those who I killed. It never really went away, but I hadn't thought of it for years. I managed to focus on other things. But now... now it's back and it's like they're right here."

"Shhh," Esme hushed him and Carlisle rested a hand on his son's back. "What do you feel right now?"

"What?" Jasper asked in confusion.

"What do you feel right now?" Esme repeated, "Not from the past, but right now. Right here in this room."

"I-" Jasper concentrated for a moment, trying to decipher the emotions from the past and the ones in the room. When he did, he looked up at the woman who had become his mother in both realization and shock.

She smiled at his and nodded, "We love you Jasper. You are a part of this family and there is nothing you could ever do that would make us want you to leave."

"She's right man," Emmett said, "You're stuck here."

"It's true," Rosalie added, "So really, we should be the ones apologizing." The others all laughed and Jasper managed a small smile as he looked at Edward who smiled at him and nodded.

"And you know you're stuck with me whether we're here of somewhere else," Alice said, leaning into his side.

"Though we're hoping you'll stay here," Carlisle said. Jasper looked between all of them before nodded. They all smiled widely and Esme pulled him into a tight hug.

"You're going to be okay sweetheart," she whispered, "I promise."


End file.
